Traffic Control

During the day we can stop for some moments to reflect (think) and remember to be peaceful and silent. This act of stopping is like putting a brake on the mind.

I observe in what direction my thoughts, words and actions are going and then, if necessary, redirect them (change their direction) or keep moving in the same direction with more clarity (clearness) and focus.

This practice of remembrance is called 'traffic control'. It is a means to refresh, recharge and reorient. When we forget to stop, the traffic of the mind becomes heavy and the driving tense, tiring, stressful and irritating and our mind and nerves seem ready to explode! To prevent all explosions and emotional eruptions, which ultimately destroy or damage our effectiveness, we need to stop. This is one practical use of remembrance.

Self Empowerment

We do realize inside ourselves that if we expect anything of anyone, one day we will be let down, so we create the emotion of disappointment, turn that into anger, and turn that back into fear (that it may happen again). And it’s all going on in our own minds. The only cure for this cycle of negative thinking is not to expect anything of anyone. But then you say, “how is this possible, you have to have expectations that someone will call you up when you expect him/her to do so, someone will do the job that you have given him/her correctly, that your child will come home safe and sound...don’t you?” Well do you? Expectations are not compulsory. And once we see that they lead to pain maybe we can learn to live without them. But if you cannot be expectation free instantly, a cure for that is as follows - have expectations, but don’t get attached to your expectations. Another way of saying this is don’t let your happiness be dependent on having your expectations met. No one said this was easy, but it is possible. There will always be someone who does not do the given task, or arrive at the right time, or even simply call you as you expected.

Exercise: Who are the two people in your life today from whom you have high expectations? Do you think it is healthy to have these expectations? What will you feel if your expectations are not met? What could you do to make sure that you do not go into disappointment but stay positive when someone does not fulfill their commitments, which are/were your expectations?

Self Respect

Self-respect depends on knowing who I am, knowing my eternal (ageless), spiritual self. When I have found that sense of spiritual identity, I feel I have a right to be here, to exist. Without the spiritual dimension, it is very difficult to really respect myself deeply. In this case, I base my respect on identifying with the superficial (artificial) aspects of my being: looks, gender, success, my life partner, my intelligence. With such artificial identification, I will never have a stable sense of self-respect, because people's opinions change. Today they love me, tomorrow they reject me. What is the result of depending on their opinions? I will end up fluctuating all the time - feeling positive when they say good things, and feeling down when they say negative things. To stay stable in my self-respect, I need to have a deeper understanding of my spiritual identity (the foundation of this being that I am a soul) and tap into those riches that are within me forever, waiting to blossom, like the flower from the seed.

As I become spiritually aware, those riches and resources start flowing out of me. The more stable I am in my self-respect and spirituality, the more I radiate what I truly am. I feel a deep sense of contentment and I am happy to be me, however I am. I accept myself as I am.

Connecting With The Supreme Source

The Supreme Source (Supreme Soul) has the power to remind us of what we were because His original state of being is permanent; He never forgets Himself, is never polluted and remains forever true to Himself in the state of spiritual or soul consciousness. As a result, He is the copy of what we were, of what we are to become. Very simply, the qualities of peace, love, purity, happiness and truth are there in Him, visible and available to those who wish to tune in and receive.

What we remember, we become, and so it is important to remember the right things. Number one on the list is thoughts of the original self and the Supreme Source.

Imagine two points of energy (light): one here on the earth, in time and matter, and the other beyond the earth, in another world of silence and peace. When these two points connect through the power of thought and feeling there is a union, which allows for a flow of energy and the experience of our true being. 'I, the soul, the point, am here and the Supreme Soul, also a point of energy (light), is up there'. However, love and remembrance bring such closeness that there is no feeling of
distance or separation.

To achieve remembrance that empowers (strengthens), we need to plug in every day to the Supreme Source in silence, in a way that is beyond ritual or sound. It is a personal connection, which requires no audience and no rules, only an honest heart. When a person has a positive intention (purpose), the plug of love fits into the socket and the self receives whatever it needs, whatever is useful for it to create and sustain a life of quality.
 

Quality Transformation (Change) (cont.)

‘Quality transformers' can be compared to the oyster. When a tiny foreign particle invades (enters) the oyster’s home, it secretes a liquid that combines with the particle to finally create a pearl. The pearl can live in the oyster's home for the rest of the oyster's natural life without causing any disturbance.

 

In the same way, rather than react negatively to people and events, we can include them and mould with them. Through acceptance, our consciousness jumps to another level of perception (understanding) and we realise that what we might have previously regarded as a problem can, if handled correctly, be a means to develop our strengths and remove our weaknesses. Whether a situation is a problem or a gift depends on our perception. The choice is ours.

Quality Transformation (Change)

The easiest way to understand quality change is to consider the example of roses. These beautiful flowers, although nourished by smelly manure, do not take any of its odour (smell) or colour. They are truly like kings of gardens, in their pink, gold, red and white robes, filling the air with such a fragrance that people who come to the garden do not even notice the manure. The roots of the roses are able to transform (change) the manure to such an extent that the best is taken without any negative side effects. This is an example of quality change.

The human world is like a garden. We are like a variety of flowers surrounded by lots of manure, that is, negativity in all its forms, such as ego, fear, anger, attachment, mistrust, etc. People who are 'quality transformers' can accept all these negative things and use them for their personal growth without the negativity penetrating (entering) them; they do not get spoilt, or even touched by it. With understanding and the natural, loving detachment that comes from silence, they realise that the negative person, or situation, in front of them is the Universe’s way of giving them an opportunity to create a tiny, silent miracle in their lives. Quality transformers become the spiritual roses in the Garden of Humanity: they display all their beauty and provide inspiration for all those who see them.

(To be continued tomorrow .... )

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Identity Crisis

The primary quality or the original condition of a pure mind, a pure self, is peace. Initially there was no confusion about 'who I am'. As time passed by, and we came in the process of birth and rebirth, we began to identify with what we are not, starting with our own physical form, and then with external things like lands, positions, material possessions and people. These multiple identities generated the first confusions. In those moments, our inner peace was broken. This is why today so many people suffer from an identity crisis, but are so used to living in this crisis that they are not even aware that it is a crisis. They are not sure what they should be. They are constantly comparing themselves with others. They regularly aim to be like others. They even imitate (copy) the lifestyles of others: all signs that they don't know who or what they are. And if they think they are sure about who they are, the stability it brings does not last for long, as it is almost always based on 'something' external to the 'self’, something that must therefore be subject to change. In other words each and every one of us has learned to identify with something we are not.

This loss of true self-identity, at the most deep level, the spiritual level, is what gives rise to fear. And when what we fear might happen actually does happen, we get angry and try to control what we cannot control, so that it doesn't happen again.

Imbibing (Absorbing) Spiritual Knowledge

The first step into experience, particularly the meditation experience, is knowledge. What does it mean to 'know'? Knowing involves four steps, which ultimately give the meditator the experience of realization:

The first step of knowing is information. With information, our intellect opens to new ideas and opinions.

The second step of knowing is knowledge, when we begin to reflect and think on the ideas and views that we have listened to. At this point, we often have to select only a few of the ideas we have heard, as it is not always possible to reflect (think) on all the information that is fed to us. In order to deepen our understanding, we reflect on the information and sometimes discuss our findings and thoughts with others.

The third step of knowing is when we move from thinking to doing, that is, from knowledge to wisdom. Wisdom is gained when we commit ourselves to 'doing'. Knowledge translated into our everyday behaviour is called wisdom, which, in turn, is called quality life. A life of quality is where personal values are not only realised but also lived and experienced through our practical actions.

Doing, or practice, naturally brings us to the fourth and final step of knowing, which is called Truth.

Motivation

Motivation is an inner positive energy, a combination of enthusiasm and clear perception (understanding) that enables us to accomplish (complete) a task.

Motivation keeps us determined and on course, otherwise it is so easy to be distracted by problems and laziness. What does motivation do? It moves us from one reality to another, from where I am to where I wish to be.

When we want to reactivate our motivation we need to examine the following:

* What do I want?
* What do I wish for?
* What do I value?
* What do I need?
* What do I enjoy?
* What do I understand? and, especially,
* What do I love?

When we sit down and think about the answers to these questions, they become the basis for activating new insights and tasks and for reactivating those insights and tasks, which I have forgotten to pay proper attention to and have not developed properly.

Anger Management And Prevention

There are some false ideas about anger that we have acquired, which we use to justify and nourish our anger:

1.  Anger is a natural response to other people’s behaviour.

Fact: You don’t realize the danger anger presents to your personal health and well-being. By maintaining this belief, you conveniently avoid the inner work of changing a deep negative habit.

Tip For Transformation (Change): Meditation enables you to remain kind towards what and who you see, no matter what they appear to have done.

2. In order to be assertive (confidently aggressive or self-assured), I have to use anger as a weapon.

Fact: Anger is the opposite of assertiveness. When you become angry, firstly you are killing yourself, and those with whom you become angry  are only going to give back to you what they get or distance themselves from you completely.
Tip For Transformation:  To make a real and lasting peace with others we need to be anger-free, which can be achieved through meditation.

Radiating Peace

The mistake many make in meditation is one of subtle pride (ego). It's as if we say, "Look at me, I've got the best seat on the train. Look at me I made it to my peace. Didn't I do well?" This of course is one of those old-fashioned self-centred thoughts. As soon as you create it you go against the very essence (nature) of your true self, your peace. To go with the essence (nature) of truth about peace is to realise your peace is not just for you, it is for the world. It is for giving, for radiating, for transmitting, for sharing.

It is a subtle recognition that your peace can only be sustained (nourished) and increased when you give it to those who are peaceless around you. When you realise this, you will also recognise how the vibration of your peacefulness radiates outwards. When you consciously release your peace to others and to the world, that's when you will feel its power.

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Types Of Fears (cont.)

Yesterday we had explained some of the common types of fear human beings suffer from. Let us look at some more:

* Failure

- some people avoid doing something, or choose not to act, because their fear of failure weakens initiative and confidence.

* Authority

- this can be fear of a parent, of a boss, even of God. Because authority has often been misused, in order to control and suppress people, it is a normal result that fear, in the form of suspicion and mistrust, has become such a negative force, both personally and collectively, in society.

There are many reasons for these types of fear, but the main ones include:

* Past experiences

, which brought disappointment, insecurity, or wariness (caution).

* Lack of faith

in one's self and in others.

* The need for approval

, to belong, or to be accepted.

* The habit of seeing things negatively

Types Of Fears

Fear comes daily and often in our lives in the form of stress, worry, anxiety and in a variety of other wasteful and negative forms. Let us look at some of the types of fear human beings suffer from:

* The unknown - for example, death or a new situation.

* Loneliness - sometimes people fear loneliness to the extent that they cannot bear their own company, preferring to lose themselves in superficial (artificial) relationships and activities.

* The future - as the problems of the world increase, whether political, economic, environmental or social, this creates, or adds to, personal and collective fear of the future.

* Illness - sometimes because of fear of disease, people make their sickness worse than it is, or live in fear of inflicting (getting) something horrible.

* Other people - usually this is the greatest fear of all: fear of others' anger, rejection, judgement and violence.

(To be continued tomorrow….)

Emotional Intelligence

Reading the emotions of others 

The ability to pick up others emotions is something we can all do naturally. The fastest way to learn to be sensitive to and identify others emotional states is to learn to read our own. If we cannot inwardly read and identify our own emotions it will be impossible to do this for others.

The great danger of getting too close to others emotions is that we fall into them and create the same emotions ourselves. This is often seen as one of the pillars of friendship in an emotional relationship. But to fall into and create and experience the same emotions as another is not sympathy (mercy), and it doesn't help them climb out of their disturbance. Hence the need to practice 'detached involvement', a process in which we stay sufficiently detached to be able to accurately read and understand the emotions of another while staying sufficiently involved with them so we may offer our help to them.

Realizing Your Purpose

You are a source of the most powerful energy on the planet because you have a mind and an intellect, which has the capacity to create thoughts, ideas and actions. If however, there is no purpose (aim and objective) to your creativity, no focus or direction, your energy and your power will leak out in a variety of directions. You will be left with a drained feeling and the subtle guilt that you wasted precious time and energy. Just as a light bulb focuses and radiates the energy of electricity, so a clear purpose focuses and radiates the power of the self. Take time out to consider your purpose in life and then how you can translate that purpose into your day, everyday. You will see your purpose in your mind’s eye. One day it will occur to you, perhaps unexpectedly, perhaps in one single thought, or a clear single image of stunning clarity (accuracy), but you will know it with a certainty that needs no questioning.

Vision, Goals, Strategies And Action Plans

A vision is what you can see but not yet reach. The most powerful dimension of vision is not the long term dimension but actually the way you choose to see yourself in your work, circumstances, relationships, etc. Important changes start occurring by simply choosing to see things and people differently. That will have a huge influence on the decisions you make and the results. This is the power of vision.
Goals are aimed at achieving the vision. They should be achievable in a short span of time and represent what you can see and reach. Goals should be specific, measurable, actionable, relevant and time bound (SMART).
Clarification of goals then sets the agenda for the strategies (how) that are necessary to achieve those goals, to drive those goals forward. The strategies then need to be broken down into very specific action plans.

Self Management

Self Management

It is only in our relationships that we can truly know ourselves. We are a mirror for each other. What we give to others at the level of our thoughts, feelings and attitudes is what we give to ourselves, and will finally come back from others. Our relationships are the real workshop, classroom, learning laboratory of our life. Relationship is not simply getting along with others, it is about understanding, building, nourishing and caring. Every interaction carries a lesson. Take one relationship, look at it, explore it and ask yourself what does it tell you about yourself and your life so far. Let your relationships reveal you to yourself. As you do you will naturally learn what makes relationships work, or not work, as the case may be! And the more you get to know yourself in the mirror of your relationships the more easily you will be able to understand others.

Exercise: Who is one person who is close to you and one person who is not so close? Now reflect (think) on each relationship and write down what each of these people seems to bring out in you when you are with them. What part of your self would you want to see more developed in each of these relationships e.g. humour, patience, humility (egolessness) etc.? What will you do today to develop these aspects of your personality?

Release, Let Go And Be Free

Release, Let Go And Be Free

If you don't let go of the scene, the event, the sounds and the images of other people, whom you mistakenly (incorrectly) believe 'did you wrong’, if you keep replaying the scene and re-creating your negative feelings, it means you are holding on to it all. Holding on also means you are carrying one huge inner burden. Burdens make life heavy. Holding on means you are just stuck in an inner 'action replay' mode, and that only deepens your suffering, driving it deeper into your heart. Isn't that foolish? Can you give it up and get on with your life?

Here's the truth of hurt. Well, almost the truth! Every time you think about something hurtful, perhaps something that others said or did, you are only repeating the moment it happened in your own mind. Let's say you think about it 99 times. The other person only said or did what they did once. But you have done it over and over again in your head 99 times, so who is hurting whom here? You are hurting yourself.

Communication (cont.4)

Communication (cont.)

What are the ways to improve communication?

* Say what we mean, always. When we speak with courage and a calm self-confidence without force, then communication is honest, open, clear and trusted. Courage doesn't mean to say what we think others want to hear. If we lack courage because of the need for approval and acceptance, or because of a lack of confidence, then communication and the consequent relationship remains superficial and artificial. No one feels satisfied with this situation.

* Learn the language of silence. It is the basis of right intentions, positive feelings and clear attitudes. In this language, there is only one grammar: honesty and kindness. Honesty creates clarity and kindness creates respectfulness.

When we take time to reflect on our level of communication with everyone we meet, the realizations we have in silence will be manifested (displayed) in the higher quality and ease of interaction that we will find in all relations: be it with the self, with others or with the Supreme Source of Light.

Communication (cont.3)

Communication (cont.)

What are the ways to improve communication?

* Listen with both ears. I should be an active listener by tuning in fully and being present fully with the person and with the moment. If I am not, I listen through one ear and let it out of the other, or I only half listen, which finally creates misunderstandings.

* Understand where the other person is coming from. Do not just assume, imagine or judge; when we do this, our critical vision prevents others from expressing what they wish to say. Then, because of wrong or half-right assumptions, others are not given the possibility to improve, or express, outside the boundaries of what we think of them. To give others a true chance to express themselves, we must not place our own boundaries around them.

* Think before speaking. This is not something new, but however often we hear it, we forget to apply it. To think before speaking means to show consideration to the other and then we say the right thing, at the right time, in the right way.

(To be continued tomorrow….)

Communication (cont.2)

Communication (cont.)

Here are some more common reasons for blocks to communication:

* Lack of sincerity. When our thoughts and feelings are honest and respectful, then the hearts of others will open to us. A positive highway of trust is built and communication flows positively.

* Creating negative perceptions (understandings) and emotions about others i.e. how we visualize or label them. Such emotions, no matter how well hidden, are finally always communicated to others on a subtle (non-physical), non-verbal level, and create an atmosphere of tension and unease.

* Not letting go of negative perceptions (understandings) and emotions. The only method to revive our relationship with others is to let go of negativity on a daily basis, to prevent it from building up. Far too often, the build-up happens without us even noticing it and, we wonder why positive feedback is not coming from the other side.

* Lack of silence. To go deep into the self and put our thoughts and feelings into silence enables them to become positive. The silent relaxation defuses (reduces) anger and the blame and complaints that often go with it.

(To be continued tomorrow….)